Mommy's Teachings
by dogsfang
Summary: Gyokuro teaches her daughter, and heir to the Shuzen blood line, seduction and sex education classes.


I do not own Rosario+Vampire, it belongs to Akihisa Ikeda!

Hello everyone. Back by popular demand.

Also a special thanks to a friend of mine, this person knows who they are, who's words of encouragement have never left me.

"Work slave, or I will send my plot gerbils over and have them nibble on you until you do!"

It fun comments like that, that make writing worth it.

Now be warned this story has nothing to do with the manga or the anime. Also this is M rated so be warned! Moreover I wrote this story as one big joke it is meant to be funny. Also I wrote this lemon in honor of all my friends who have ever done anything stupid while they drink! I'm always the sober one of the group. For me this situation and scenario would be a nightmare in the making and it thoughts like this that have stopped me from drinking! Oh yes on a personal note don't drink and drive also have a wing man with you whenever you drink so you don't do anything stupid! So without further comments enjoy!

Let the madness come-forth!

The cool wind of a moonless night began to stroke of caress the asphalt only for it to begin to crack and scream as it was torn asunder and ripped apart. Jagged edges and fragments shot into the air only to mend and sew themselves back together into a twisted convoluted unity from which began to form a tunnel.

A subtle rumble began to emerge for somewhere deep within only for a single jet black limo, a perfect symbol of authority, be it a politician, president, king, or pope. It shot down out of this long narrow tunnel and out into the cool night air. The ominous jagged tunnel proceeded to break apart and become one once more with the road from which it had been born.

The country side littered with phone poles and rice fields began to zoom by in a flash for the two passengers inside.

One was dark skinned woman, with red eyes, and long blond hair. She was dressed in a elegant jet black dress which barley touched her thighs. She was Gyokuro Shuzen. Her eldest daughter Kahlua sat beside her.

The younger noble was dressed in an elegant pear white dress, with ivory white high heels, long gloves which went up to her elbows. The woman could have been mistaken for a Disney princess if only one could have overlooked the more darker details of her personality.

Kahlua Shuzen the heir to the vampire Shuzen blood line and oldest daughter of matriarch Gyokuro Shuzen. The eldest vampiress had inherited much of her mothers ethereal beauty due to her mothers precious blood. Kahlua knew her mother Gyokuro, had from the moment she had birthed her, had expected nothing less than perfection. Her ultimate destiny being to rise up above all others and become head of the Shuzen clan, when mother was no longer of this world.

Kahlua knew she had very little choice or say in the subject. Gyokuro would never allow her daughters half sister Moka to assume leadership position of the clan. After all Gyokuro considered Moka's mother Akasha Bloodriver as nothing more than a whore, who had the shame and dishonor of having no clan or family of her own. Now she had little choice but to depend on the kindness of her husband Issa and the lofty position of the Shuzen name. Unfortunately her husbands "charity" had extended into the bedroom as well.

To add insult to injury nine months later that bitch Moka was born. Granted Gyokuro had to give Akasha some credit she had helped raise Issa's eldest half daughter Akua, Kahlua, her little sister Kokoa, and her own daughter Moka with little trouble. But that was where the respect stopped. Gyokuro let out a low growl.

If she would have been allowed to have her way; she wouldn't have hesitated to make sure that everyone of her husbands mistresses, along with their bastard offspring, met a tragic accident which would have claimed their lives.

Unfortunately for Gyokuro she knew that if she were to do such a thing, her husband who was suspicious by nature, and would eventually find out the truth of the matter. Luckily for Gyokuro Akua's mother had died before she could put any plans into motion, but Akasha Bloodriver was another matter to her. Gyokuro as tempted as she was to order someone to cut the break line of Akasha's limo, or, have a small army of assassin's whom work for the Shuzen, try to make Akasha "disappear," she knew that Akasha would ultimately survive what ever hell she was put through and make to back to Issa and her daughter.

Moka was Akasha's one weak spot, but Gyokuro also knew that if she were to openly take any aggressive action against Moka, there would be consequences. Akasha may look warm, and act kind to others, however Gyokuro knew differently.

Hidden buried deep down lurked the dormant heart of a warrior coupled with her own motherly nature; and that was a lethal combination. The older Gyokuro matriarch knew that if anything were to happen to Akasha's only daughter Akasha would have immediately suspected her.

Akasha's full motherly rage would be unleashed, and she wouldn't have hesitated to hunt Gyokuro down no mater how far or how long it took. Until she had at-last cleaved her head from her body herself in revenge for the murder of her daughter.

A faint grim image of her own head stuck on bloody pike, adorning a shelf near Issa's bed sent a shiver up Gyokuro's spine.

To be fair Gyokuro knew that she wouldn't hesitate to do the same to Akasha if the positions where reversed.

Thus was the game of politics.

Gyokuro traded a passing glance at her pride and joy Kahlua. The teenage vampire had some ridiculous teen girl pop magazine. She was reading on some stupid article on how to get boys. For some reason she seemed to be under the impression that it would help her with her killers work. On the cover was flashed the smiling face of some rich human boy who was "all the rage with the girls" in the spring time of his youth. Only for it all to hopefully come crashing down when he started dying once he hit fifty, getting older, uglier and started shitting blood.

Suddenly the less than noble vampire had a idea, a wonderful nasty, horrible idea.

( )^( )*(0)^(0)

"Oh thank heavens things are about to get back to normal sort of….." Tsukune chuckled as he realized as how unusual that statement was to him now.  
Normal for him was going to a school built for monsters by monsters, normal for him was getting challenged to fights nearly every day by other youkia. Normal for one human named Tsukune Aono was having five monster girls as friends and each one fighting each other for his affections wanting him to return said affections towards her.

"My life is anything but normal now!" He laughed as he took long look into the clear blue sky and sunlight all around him as the side walk stretched out in front of him leading him on wards back to stop by the unassuming tunnel that would lead Tsukune to the one place he now considered "a second home."

"Yukari, Ruby, Mizore, Kurumu, and Moka I'll be coming back and seeing all of you soon." Tsukune sighed smiling as he continued to walk past the bus stop that where he would met the bus that would eventually take him back to Youkia academy.

Walking a few more blocks he turned down a familiar concrete walk way to turn on the street that led to his parents home.

"The summer break has been so relaxing." Tsukune chuckled as he reviled in utter normality of the human world in which he had grown up.

Still there were times where Tsukune struggled after all this time to reconcile all the insanity he had gone through. Deep down he knew that he could never tell his parents or cousin the truth of anything that was going on in his life. Nothing about what was going on with Moka.

_'Moka I love her, all the crazy things life as put the two of us through she still wants to marry me. Still if Moka and I have children, how am I going to handle it with mom, dad and Kyoko?'_ Tsukune thought as he sighed.

_'I know Mikogami would love to have a group of little vampires to turn into enforcers for the school. Still, how would anyone of them get to know their grandparents. Its not like I could ask mom and dad to babysit them. Oh don't worry if they get hungry there is bagged type O in the fridge. Also don't give them a bath in water before adding the special herbs mixture. Because it can kill them. One more thing if you run out of type O, let them bite your necks, it only hurts for a minute. Just make sure that they don't bite into a major artery or a vein. I don't want to come home and find the three of you died on the floor from blood loss.'_

Tsukune let out a sigh of frustration.

_'I know Issa and Akasha would love to have grandchildren to teach to fight and spoil. Still I have to admit that if the two of us do have children they would probably be safer with grandma Akasha, then with my parents. My parents know nothing about the supernatural, still if some evil youkai did come calling mom and dad would be helpless against what ever it is. At least grandma grandpa can kill anything under the sun or moon. Lets face it, things would have been easier if I knocked up the daughter of a Yakuza mob boss._' Tsukune thought with a gruff sigh.

His parents had been a island of peace and calm in the vast unforgiving sea of insanity that was working for Mikogami. However as much as he wanted to pretend that nothing could happen to his family, that they would be forever magically protected against all the dark and disgusting things that Tsukune had hunted.  
Sadly that was not to be. Granted Tsukune hunted all the youkai who broke the rules if for no other reason than to keep his loved ones safe; he also did the responsible thing when his parents had asked about what their son did for a living.

He lied, and deceived them all, he told them nothing about the high school for monsters and other dark creatures. Granted Tsukune knew that he had to lie and kept the truth from them for their own good no less. He didn't think that his parents could deal with the fact that he was dating a vampire,

Suddenly a black car up and braking from the road aiming strait for him its driver a man in a dark suit jerked the wheel to plant the van directly in front of him while another man in a dark suit and tie threw open the passenger door striking Tsukune in the face knocking him unconscious. Two other men dressed in dark suits exited from the back doors of the van then grabbed Tsukune while another man opened the trunk of the van. One of the two men gagged Tsukune's mouth even as the other tied Tsukune's wrists and legs. Together the two of them threw him into the open trunk of the van and speed away before the authorities could find out what happened.

Hello everyone! I wrote this as a joke and I hope that everyone liked it, considering how absurd it is!

Also remember underage drinking is a serious no no, not to mention when it comes to alcohol know your limits and be safe. It okay to say no to a drink and always use a a designated driver!

Sorry to be so long winded its just that I wrote this story as a remembrance for a buddy of mine who passed away due to someone decision to drink and drive.

Rest in peace JP.

As always review please! Also PM's are welcome as well, not to mention feel free to drop suggestions by me.

Cheers Dogsfang


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